Another evening I am with my laptop just after finishing a call. Another of the calls from someone with that typical "India-is-bad-and-US-is-good" attitude. sigh! After so many years of my life,I came across a view,"We Indians are good at doing typical stereo type job,but the moment we are given something out of the way,we suck".What the hell man?Its time we learn appreciating ourselves and hmm,very importantly,loving too.We are still not free.Unfortunately we still are not used to accepting ourselves as superiors.Some people still think others are the best.Some think our course and syllabus is crap.Its I guess high time to accept that our professors,who framed the syllabus-es know at least a bit more than us.I guess we have enough licked the feet of US,its time we start thinking we are no less than them.Moreover someone told(one of the so called would be engineers)that what we study in engineering is shit.GREAT.U suck as much ur views do man...!Few of we Indians have a problem with everything here...constitution,education,institutes,security,people...everything...!How many man,how many proofs u still need to accept that we are doing the best?When will we learn to believe in ourselves?
Pujo 2008.Another year rolled by.So many things changed,I repeat “sooo many”.Grew up quite a lot,’onek kichu sikhey gelam ei ekta bochor ey’.No more am I the same small stupid kid crying and fighting when friends do not call.
Not before Astami this year I realized pujo has come.One text in around 6 in the evening made me feel,”yes its pujo”.The message stated just a few words…”Maddox jachi,Maddox jachi...yess…! :D”.That very day in the morning I was whizzing past Golpark in a car,suddenly I looked out I could see a group standing,around 9-10 of them.A guy in a maroon Sherwani,specks,well trimmed beard at the chin,just with him was another guy,lean,thin,again with specs wearing jeans and a T-shirt,sharpchisel-cut look…The brightness in his face was noticeable.He was happy because of the girl in sky blue salwar-kameez standing just opposite to him and talking to a boy,a junior,her cousin.Oh something else was going on in another part of the group,a girl in saree….she looked so real cute,Chinese cut hair,lively eyes…… seemed so happy...Suddenly everything shook suddenly,oh no,it was the car drawing its brakes…the faces suddenly changed,everything disappeared.Every thing changed.I do not have a reason to say why that drop of tear rolled down.May be cause it was difficult to accept things changed so much.It was difficult to believe it was last year…She talks as if we were strangers. Yesternight when we were drunk,we tried to speak out…this thin guy was in his soliloquy…I caught him amidst it.He was saying,”Janis she used to be one person jar sathe kono rokom kono yaarki marar agey ekbar o chinta kortey hoyni,a raj…?she talks as if she is a stranger”.I knew what he meant,coz we met her on Nabami,at Maddox…indeed we had become strangers.
May be the last one year had been a year of losing,or else someone doesnot lose someone like Poulomi,I used to call her Polo…at tymes we jokingly said “Amar polo”.Not much days have passed when we talked any less than thrice.and now?haha…again the “strangers”.Everything sank just like the Durga-Protima on Doshomi…Its not about what went wrong?,who was wrong?,whose fault was it?…all it matters is my statement last night again in the sublime state…”I cannot afford not to talk to her”…sigh.That was again an answer to the question,”Whatz with u and polo?hmm?”Aah I guess I am being a bit too personal with myself.I believe I already made it sound too grim,though its not so.C’mon pujo…”Kolkatar Durga Pujo”!There are so many things to love about it,the dhak er awaj,Maddox er adda,hogging at fuchka,alur dum and churmur,the adda while standing in line in front of Peter Cat,though the sun and sweat were something I was hating,but again,”Y was Peter Cat called so?”helped us too pass our time.Thanx to KFC for quick food…!I love the 36-24-36…naah I guess it will look comical,36-28-36 is good enough,walking back home at 4:30 in the morning.I love the efficiency of Kolkata Police in Pujas…at least they work sometimes!The crowd in metro and pandals are fine and tolerable only during pujas…!And hey…friends?college buddies?Thanx to a real hell lot to them for making things so beautiful for me…!But still among soo many lovely things the gloom appears to be no less.I still miss the long calls at night,the evening chats,the cups of tea,the adda,the times at South City,Hiland Park,KFC…!Losing friends is bad I guess…the worse side is when u do without a fault of your own.U suffer because of someone’s presumptions,whims…haa haa…!But I guess u cannot help it at tyms.I guess getting drunk was necessary yesternight,I needed to speak up.I badly did.We were tired,its been too much for last quite sometime.Jitz I will be thankful to u all my life for that simple question…”Who is it u want the most,just 1,and the most…?”I answered just one word…which may be I won’t speak up in life…!!
A few years back,a kid,small,stupid,dumb began his journey from obscurity to today.From nothing to something,from crowd to Sougata.Thank you all those people that taught me to live,gave me an identity,made me what I am today. Jitz:The lean,curly haired guy,never imagined we will end upto this.I do not remember if he was there when I was happy,I am not sure if he was there always to congratulate me,but yes,he always made it a point to wipe off my tears.Someone who made me stand up,think,taught me to speak,to love,to dream.It was when I realized life is something more than academics,results.Somehow whatever he always said turned out to be unexpectedly correct and opt always.We have shared some really best moments of our life when we were way back in class XII.The best thing that we had ever is impossible because things are always best with him.His strength always amazed me,shocked me,surprised me,inspired me,kept me going...made me care for him.He was one of the rarest species of this planet to whom I ever listened.
Pds:Priyadarshika,one of my oldest best friends,since class XI.Amazingly i never had a bestfriend before.Someday I wish I could thank you enough for everything that u always did.The best part of our relation was that we fought,shouted at times...but again at the end of the day loved each other,cried and made it a point to care about the other.School days had been really wonderful just because of you.This lady made me realise responsibilities,taught me about life,always made it a point to make me feel special.Another thing that at times makes her special is the fact that she is the only of my friends who greets me with a hug whenever we meet.I will always remember your words,"Goto its not important how often we talk,what is important is that we should be able to pick up the conversation where we left it last time,even if we talk after ages".Thanx a lot for always making my birthdays so speciAl...!I never said her a thing,but she always knew what I needed...weird naah?! Pallami:Ha ha...!She is crazy,mad,sick,stupid...but yeah my newest best buddy.The only "friend" in my college who bothered to scold me when I was wrong,cared to care for me more than anything and anyone.She is ferociously protective.thank u for everything,for being so sweet to my stupidity.Despite herself going through a turmoil,an entire sea soring within her,still managed to remain calm and comfort me when I needed support,take my side despite anything I did,listening to my craps at least 5 times a day over the fone and up till 4 in the morning.I would not insult your feeling by thanx,but yeah,surely a big thanx to all those times when I went over to your place and u forced me to eat coz I didnot have lunch.Whenever I felt i am too tired,all I had to do is to turn bAck to her,may be i could not bring myself up to ask for her help,but you always understood and a smile of yours always kept me going.I will never forget an evening of my life,i was on ur bed,u sitting on the floor,smiling apparently,ur eyes moist,weeping like hell inside,yet u could not show.Thank u for making things so much better for me.
Madhura and Shankhamala:Madhura,you had been my junior,but one of those friends of mine whom I respected the most for the way she is.Amazingly mature,sensible,understanding and lovely.At times I used to be amazed that how can someone be soo sensible.the best part about her is she knows where not to speak what.She taught me,"Whatever u do or I do,however bad we are to the other,the bond will never break,it just cannot".Ypur last line in my farewell dairy,"Sougata da,just remember that its much better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all".Amazing. Shankhamala u had been one of my closest juniors in my school days.One of the people I really looked forward for.Thanx a lot for putting up with my stupidity and making things so much easier for me.lovely...! will always be thankful to both of you. Saumik:The two of us resembled each other the most.same kind of thoughts,family,problems,feelings... Everything.Had been "partners of the same crime" at times.Shared life and thoughts.You had been amazing and a brilliant friend.We share same tastes,books,music,food... haha...anything.we had been stupid together,dreamt together and i know will continue doing so always.Anwarshah and last days of scul had not been half memorable without u.Pondy time,ya,we did something great.Thanx always for caring so much and being there,for scolding me whenever I was wrong and for all those philosophies.Oh btw,u had been an amazing foodie always.thanx for those after scul biriyani s and staying with me till 3.
Poulomi:May be I spent the last year talking to each other most of the times.we almost went on talking always,utter nonsense always though.the first thing I remember when I take her name is talking till 5 in the morning.haha...!She is sensible,poetic and of course multi talented.The emotional bridge between the two stupids had always been amazing.She had been my only bestfriend who gave me a kiss whenever I needed it,kept me going always and always made it a point to pull me up through everything.Someone for whom I really bothered to change myself.I just wish things had not gone so wrong.wish so much of bitterness for each other never poisoned our love.Wish we realized,the "bond" should never break.
There are hundreds of more people in this who really made a great contribution in what i am today.Many friends whom I am proud of today.All my school buddies(sayari,tania,lebu,saptre,souro,arko,subhayu,Debjanee),college friends(payal,priyama,souvik,anya,udita,theeta,atanu),outsiders(Dipanjan,DM,Asmita,mainack da,Tuhin da,Bidisha,Namrara,choi),spanish class friends(Irani,Deblina,sreyo,Hatobeda!),orkut friends(Innumerable)...everyone.Thanx a lot for always being there and keeping me going...
After a long time... Lonely again,I am strung and tied from all sides.Things keep on swirling.Priorities keep getting confused,as people say(I though call it redefining).Everybody around seems to have undergone a sudden metamorphosis,or did they move on too fast that I could cope up with,or it was I who drifted apart?I feel like an alien.How long can caffaine,Erich Segal,Drums,music soothe?I fear breaking down,the darker side of me.Sarcasm at times is so poisonous,that too from best buddies.Everything changes,shatteres should be the term though,so damn suddenly that there is hardly any time to react.Love now a days is also making me feel guilty.Dream and expectations kill at times.If I call this a crisis,I do not have situations to justify it,though I feel it would be an understatement.I do not know how long will it be before I live again.Let's see...
Will it rain,on this summer eve? Will it rock,ringing far away plains? just as a desert,thorns pricking me, Its those drops that I look forward to.
seems a dream,to distant to be true, It seems self mockery to crowd I know; No water offered so soothe your soul only summer rain can bring corpse a life.
Weren't u loud enogh to reach our ears? Weren't melody enough to drench our hearts? Music is waht u have done,and will ever This time u lost against the worst...
Parikrama,u lost,do u know? I don't beleive,neither do I want to... all i know is u fall bleeding in the desert, not a single drop is going to rain on you...
Friday, February 29, 2008
Stretching arms out,with griefs profound the rain pouring down,washing my tears; i tried catching the water,hearing the sound trying hard to win over all my fears...
drops of the pearl dripping from the tree music of the hail shooting on the shield; The sky was at last living,free to cry I was suffocated to death amidst the field.
Never noticed the tears rolling down my cheeks It was not repent,not what I always lost; It was a rejoice to blend my tears with hers I smiled at last,I was living in the frost...
